I contemplated writing this post for a long time. There is so much inside of me that wants to lash out in a full defensive rebuttal as to why I deserve more than to be completely torn apart for being the person that I am. But instead, I will chose to move on and tell everyone who left hostile comments on my last post (before I had to delete most of it and all of the harsh and arbitrary comments) that this is who I am. I am not trying to prove anything, I am not trying to hide anything, I am not trying to wrongly influence anyone. This is me and if you do not understand, if you do not agree, or if you do not believe in who I am, than I ask you…..from the bottom of my heart…..please don't judge me.
For those of you who don't have a clue what I'm speaking about, I will give you a small debrief. The other night, I posted a small paragraph on my strength training routine and how I have been extremely proud of my results over the past two years. I showed a before and after picture trying to highly how I have significantly gained definition and muscle and how much healthier I looked from over a year ago. Well, I guess most people don't agree because I was scolded, I was criticized and I was judged. The comments were harsh, most people who choose to follow my blog every day but never have the nerve to actually comment, telling me I was too thin, I worked out too much and I was basically not worthy.
I'd like to say that I was able to brush every single one of these aside and hold my head high, but words do hurt. I doubt any of these people know my story, know the long and trying journey that I've had with health problems, know about my debilitating disease that has caused mal-absorbiton of essential nutrients for many years. Yes, I know I am small. I'm thin and probably more than most people. But that does not mean that I am not worthy of having the same passions and beliefs as every other person on this earth. That does not mean that I can not appreciate good nutrition and choose to fuel my body with the foods I know it needs most. That does not mean I can not love running and fitness and be able to share my experiences, knowledge and passion with others.
I find my worth in Christ, my husband who loves me, my family who supports me, my friends who know me, and the incredible life that I have. So for those of you who think otherwise, let me inform you all that I appreciate your criticism but I choose not to respond.
After I heard all of these vicious remarks, I thought to myself that maybe I shouldn't be writing about my passions anymore. Maybe I am portraying the wrong image (which is the exact opposite of my intentions of this blog) just because I am thin and I talk about working out and eating right. But then I thought to myself, why? What makes me any less worthy of being able to blog about health, fitness, and my life?
I am healthy, I am happy, and I am worthy!
Wow, that felt good to get out. I hope I don't come across harsh but I felt the need to defend myself. Even though I realize that by having this blog, I am creating an open forum for others to judge, to criticize, and to comment freely, I also feel that there is no reason to blatantly attack others for the lives they choose to live.
I will move on.
Speaking of moving on……
Yesterday was a very long and exhausting day.
It began extremely early as I had to be at a school by 6:30am.
Breakfast was quick but filling.
Oatmeal Squares, Raisin Bran, Banana, Raspberries, Peach Chobani, Flax
Whole Wheat Toast with PB, Mashed Banana, and Jam
After my classes, I met Toly for lunch. We decided to head to Panera because we were expecting to go right to settlement afterwards and Panera was close to the office.
You Pick 2- Creamy Tomato Soup and Orchard Harvest Salad
I'd like to tell you all that we celebrated yesterday on our settlement of the new house, but sadly, it didn't happen. We waited for hours, but apparently there was some issues with the paperwork between the bank and the realtors and they had to re-write our entire terms. So, after waiting around for almost 3 hours, we found out that settlement will not be until Monday.
Feeling exhausted, disappointed and completely spent, I came home and fell asleep. It has been such a long week and my mind and body were feeling the effects of everything.
I woke up feeling much better but ready for a MUCH NEEDED girls night with Jen.
Thank goodness for Jen! We spent hours talking. Actually, it was more like me just venting, but she listened and let me release it all to her which was more helpful than she knows.
And if that wasn't enough, she also made us an incredible dinner of Pumpkin Vegetable Soup, Salad and Whole Grain Bread with homemade Pumpkin Butter. (Just realized this was basically my lunch too!)
It never ends with just dinner when Jen and I get together. There is ALWAYS dessert. Always!
Tonight, there wasn't just one, but three glorious desserts to choose from!
Pumpkin Cheesecake, Apricot Tart, and Apple Pie
I had a sampling of all three.
The perfect trifecta of fall desserts into one bowl.
Today has been wonderful so far! It's so nice not to feel like I have a strict schedule to go by. I don't have to clean the house, do the grocery shopping or prep anything for the week. I am really enjoying being free from these responsibilities for awhile and I'm just able to relax a bit.
My dad and I are about to head out to Towson for a wonderful Father/Daughter date at Trader Joe's. Could it get any better?
PS- Thank you to everyone who supported me. Your reinforcement truly made all of the difference and I value you more than you know!