Saturday, October 30, 2010

I Am Worthy

"I'm not trying to hide anything
I wear it on my sleeve
I wear it on my sleeve
I'm not trying to be something I'm not
This is all I've got
This is all I've got
I'm not trying to re-invent the wheel
Just trying to be real
Trying to be real
I'm not trying to say follow me
I'm not the one who leads
I'm not the one who leads"

~Mercy Me, No More No Less lyrics

I contemplated writing this post for a long time.  There is so much inside of me that wants to lash out in a full defensive rebuttal as to why I deserve more than to be completely torn apart for being the person that I am.  But instead, I will chose to move on and tell everyone who left hostile comments on my last post (before I had to delete most of it and all of the harsh and arbitrary comments) that this is who I am.  I am not trying to prove anything, I am not trying to hide anything, I am not trying to wrongly influence anyone.  This is me and if you do not understand, if you do not agree, or if you do not believe in who I am, than I ask you…..from the bottom of my heart…..please don't judge me.  

For those of you who don't have a clue what I'm speaking about, I will give you a small debrief.  The other night, I posted a small paragraph on my strength training routine and how I have been extremely proud of my results over the past two years.  I showed a before and after picture trying to highly how I have significantly gained definition and muscle and how much healthier I looked from over a year ago.  Well, I guess most people don't agree because I was scolded, I was criticized and I was judged.  The comments were harsh, most people who choose to follow my blog every day but never have the nerve to actually comment, telling me I was too thin, I worked out too much and I was basically not worthy.  

I'd like to say that I was able to brush every single one of these aside and hold my head high, but words do hurt.  I doubt any of these people know my story, know the long and trying journey that I've had with health problems, know about my debilitating disease that has caused mal-absorbiton of essential nutrients for many years.  Yes, I know I am small.  I'm thin and probably more than most people.  But that does not mean that I am not worthy of having the same passions and beliefs as every other person on this earth.  That does not mean that I can not appreciate good nutrition and choose to fuel my body with the foods I know it needs most.  That does not mean I can not love running and fitness and be able to share my experiences, knowledge and passion with others.  

I find my worth in Christ, my husband who loves me, my family who supports me, my friends who know me, and the incredible life that I have.  So for those of you who think otherwise, let me inform you all that I appreciate your criticism but I choose not to respond.  

After I heard all of these vicious remarks, I thought to myself that maybe I shouldn't be writing about my passions anymore.  Maybe I am portraying the wrong image (which is the exact opposite of my intentions of this blog) just because I am thin and I talk about working out and eating right.   But then I thought to myself, why?  What makes me any less worthy of being able to blog about health, fitness, and my life?  
I am healthy, I am happy, and I am worthy!

Wow, that felt good to get out.  I hope I don't come across harsh but I felt the need to defend myself.  Even though I realize that by having this blog, I am creating an open forum for others to judge, to criticize, and to comment freely, I also feel that there is no reason to blatantly attack others for the lives they choose to live.  

I will move on. 

Speaking of moving on……

Yesterday was a very long and exhausting day. 

It began extremely early as I had to be at a school by 6:30am. 

Breakfast was quick but filling. 

Oatmeal Squares, Raisin Bran, Banana, Raspberries, Peach Chobani, Flax

Whole Wheat Toast with PB, Mashed Banana, and Jam

After my classes, I met Toly for lunch.  We decided to head to Panera because we were expecting to go right to settlement afterwards and Panera was close to the office. 

 You Pick 2- Creamy Tomato Soup and Orchard Harvest Salad

I'd like to tell you all that we celebrated yesterday on our settlement of the new house, but sadly, it didn't happen.  We waited for hours, but apparently there was some issues with the paperwork between the bank and the realtors and they had to re-write our entire terms.  So, after waiting around for almost 3 hours, we found out that settlement will not be until Monday.

Feeling exhausted, disappointed and completely spent, I came home and fell asleep.  It has been such a long week and my mind and body were feeling the effects of everything.

I woke up feeling much better but ready for a MUCH NEEDED girls night with Jen.

Thank goodness for Jen!  We spent hours talking.  Actually, it was more like me just venting, but she listened and let me release it all to her which was more helpful than she knows.

And if that wasn't enough, she also made us an incredible dinner of Pumpkin Vegetable Soup, Salad and Whole Grain Bread with homemade Pumpkin Butter.  (Just realized this was basically my lunch too!)

It never ends with just dinner when Jen and I get together.  There is ALWAYS dessert.  Always!

Tonight, there wasn't just one, but three glorious desserts to choose from!

Pumpkin Cheesecake, Apricot Tart, and Apple Pie

I had a sampling of all three.

The perfect trifecta of fall desserts into one bowl.

 Today has been wonderful so far!  It's so nice not to feel like I have a strict schedule to go by.  I don't have to clean the house, do the grocery shopping or prep anything for the week.  I am really enjoying being free from these responsibilities for awhile and I'm just able to relax a bit.

My dad and I are about to head out to Towson for a wonderful Father/Daughter date at Trader Joe's. Could it get any better?

PS- Thank you to everyone who supported me.  Your reinforcement truly made all of the difference and I value you more than you know! 



  1. I'm so sorry you had to deal with all that. I feel like a broken record...but I'm not sure I understand the point in the hurtful comments. Sorry to hear y'all didn't get to close- Monday will be the day! Great girls night. The food looks fabulous (especially the desserts). I haven't tried Panera's Orchard Harvest Salad but it looks like something I would love. Enjoy TJs

  2. Love you, dear Lauren - I hope that the haters in your last post realize that there's no need for harsh commentary that is accusatory and NOT constructive whatsoever. Stay strong, stay you, stay vivacious xoxoxo

  3. Oh honey I'm so sorry. :( Words and even silence, can just hurt so much sometimes. Those of us who really know what you're about, we know you are a healthy and amazing person. Eff the haters, because the truth is, they only hate themselves. *hugs*

  4. i am sorry to hear that the haters are giving you a hard time. i will try to find the entry and give a look myself.
    regardless, your looks tasty and healthy. win-win in my book. one day we will all meet our maker and i want to go to him in the best possible shape enjoying the best-of-the-best on the way.

  5. I forget how I found your blog, but I've had it on my RSS reader for the last couple of weeks and love what you post - it's inspiring to see pictures of healthy, delicious food!

    There are always going to be jerks on the internet, don't let it get to you. your comment system probably tracks their IP addresses - if you need to, you can look them up and see what location those people are posting from.

  6. I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with all those hateful comments. Just wanted to let you know that I really enjoy your blog. You are so creative and your meals give me great ideas and inspiration! Keep it up... you have a lot of fans!

  7. I've gotten a few anon comments in recent weeks, and it SUCKS, I know, but just remember that blogs only show a portion of our lives. Anyone judging from the internet under an anonymous pseudonym is 1) a coward and 2) needs to get in touch with their OWN issues. I think you are absolutely beautiful as you are now. You'd be just as beautiful if you gained or lost a few pounds for whatever reason, because you have a beautiful soul. You eat well and take care of yourself, so don't ever let anyone cause you to second guess you, okay? I hope you're having a fabulous weekend with the people you love!!

  8. I think youa re amazing - why people choose to follow blogs when they are secretly hating on the author is beyond me! <3 you!

  9. "I find my worth in Christ, my husband who loves me, my family who supports me, my friends who know me, and the incredible life that I have."

    Amen. And that is why you are the glorious person you are. Brush the rest off!


  10. That stinks that others feel they have a right to judge you. If they have nothing nice to say then don't say anything! I think you are fabulous! A great inspiration to me, especially on fitness and nutrition! Keep doing what you are doing girl, don't let the others keep you from your passion :)

  11. Good for you girl! So glad to hear you are able to brush off the negative comments. People who attack others usually just feel empty within themselves and try to fill that void by attempting to bring others down. Its sad, but we need to realize that they just have a lot of soul searching to do. Just keep similing! you definitely are worthy!! :)

  12. I am so sorry that you have to deal with negative comments! You are definitely worthy of all those things you mentioned!! Always remember that your true friends and family will always love you and support you! Enjoy your Trader Joe's trip!

  13. I love you, Lauren. It takes a lot of courage to be a blogger and I'm glad you have stuck with it, despite the few negative Nancys out there. Yes, you are thin but I have never NOT ONCE thought that you were portraying anything but health and happiness. Stay strong lovely!

  14. 1. I love your blog.
    2. I don't judge you.
    3. Everyone has the right to want to eat healthy and exercise. It is called healthy living!
    4. I wish I could pull you out of my pocket to cook my food. Oh yumsy you are so creative! :)

  15. 1. I love your blog.
    2. I don't judge you.
    3. Everyone has the right to want to eat healthy and exercise. It is called healthy living!
    4. I wish I could pull you out of my pocket to cook my food. Oh yumsy you are so creative! :)

  16. Hey love! Oh girl- Gah I am so sorry. people seriously need to GET A LIFE! Please hold your head up high and know you are so beautiful and pure in Gods eyes. YOU are unique and God sees you with NO flaws. He has created YOU for a purpose on this earth and has given you certain passions to use to bring Him glory. Keep writing about your passions, and I would love to hear more about your faith background. Know you are so important in the kingdom, and this life is so temporary and we wont fit in on this earth but that is so okay, life is SO much bigger!! love you!

  17. I have never commented on your blog before, but I have been a reader for several months now. I did not read the negative comments that were left, but whatever they were I'm sure I would disagree with them.

    Your blog is one of the few that I follow because I feel that it conveys a very positive message. I think that you do a great job of trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I hate that someone feels the need to try to bring you down when you have overcome so much in the past year.

    Although I never feel the need to comment on blogs, I did with this post. I felt like you at least deserve a positive comment from someone you don't know, rather than a negative one.

  18. Sorry about the haters :(
    Words do hurt, but guess what? They don't need to read this blog! I seriously don't understand the need of people to read blogs and leave mean, nasty and hurtful comments. No one is making them read and comment, so why do they?! I don't get it. I LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog and think you are amazing :)


  19. I love you to pieces. I love every bit of you! I am sorry you had such hateful remarks on your post that was showcasing the strength gains you have made. I, for one, am SO proud of you! You know I love pumping my iron and it makes me happy that you have a passion for it as well. I love you Lauren, you are amazing and strong, in more ways than one.

  20. I don't think people realize that being called too skinny can be just as hurtful as being called fat. I didn't ever realize that until I went from being called too fat (when I was a teenager) to being called too thin (at the worst point of my eating disorder). Just realize that you can't make every person happy all of the time. People will always be critical, and when they are, it is usually because they aren't happy with themselves.