Friday, February 13, 2009

Friday Reflections

A new feature is about to take part in this blog (with more to come!). This is called Friday Reflections and here is how it works. Every Friday, I am going to post on a topic of interest and write my own personal feelings on the idea at hand. Then, feel free to comment on your own impressions. Friday’s are usually one of those days where our minds are winding down and preparing for the weekend and I feel as though it’s a good time to sit back and reflect on something that would not normally cross your daily mindset.
So here is today’s topic….
Opposite’s Attract
Being that it is Valentines Day and the sensation of love and romance is in the air, I felt this subject fit well. The other night at dinner, the hubby and I got to talking on our different styles, tastes, mannerisms, and interests. We do share a lot of the same interests and passions in life; however, we are also very different in many ways. Toly is more outgoing, free-spirited and laid back. He is able to go through life appreciating the simplicity it offers and lives by a “don’t sweat the small stuff” attitude. I, on the other hand, tend to go the more structured route. I rely on organization, order, and planning to get my by. It’s a lot harder for me to live spontaneously and have that care-free attitude when things don’t go they way they were planned. I am also a tad obsessive compulsive (okay some days more than others) and have a harder time accepting change.
So basically, the conversation that nearly turned itself into a slight argument, all began by Toly bringing up the idea of a guy-trip to Vegas. He asked what I thought about the idea of him and his friends taking a little trip this year and, I of course did not jump out of my seat with excitement. Not that I was entirely opposed to the idea, I just was more surprised and thought it would need a lot more contemplation. He then said something that really caught me off guard… “All my friends said you would never let me go!”
What? Do people really think of me as that wife? That wife that dictates over her husband, telling him when to eat, sleep, and breathe? Do I really come across that way? Let me emphasize that in no way, is our relationship set on unequal values. Toly and I both value and respect each other evenly and although we may joke every now and then about “who wears the pants in the house,” ultimately, our marriage strives on parity and support for one another.
So I asked him, “Do your friends really think that I tell you what you can and can’t do?” He admitted that often times I come across as being more rigid around his friends and family than my own. So I thought about this for awhile. I, in no way, wanted to be deemed the uptight one at the party, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized he was right. When we are around others, we often adhere to the environment and group of people that we are with. Toly’s technique of personalizing with people is through humor and entertainment. He is all about having a good time and making people laugh and enjoy themselves. I, on the other hand, tend to compensate for his mannerisms by appearing as the one who is more primed and prepared. Not that I can’t let loose and have a good time, it just doesn’t come as easy for me to let go of all of thoughts running through my mind, like, the laundry needs done, what am I going to make for dinner, I need to get this report done at work, or the house needs cleaned.
So back to my original point of opposites gravitating towards each other. Like I said before, Toly and I do share a lot of the same ideals and we are a lot alike. But the fact that we both offer entirely different characteristics to our marriage brings a true balance and what really makes the entire thing function. If Toly wasn’t as lighthearted and relaxed, I would probably be even more tense which would cause more worry and make me edgy and unhappy. But if I wasn’t as organized and prepared, he would be unstructured and impulsive. That is what a marriage is all about, two people merging their attributes to form one beautiful conception of unity. So even though he may not put the dishes away the right way, or I may not find humor in his sarcasm, the bottom line is that we work and only work because we bring out the elements that we may lack in ourselves, which truly makes one fulfilling life.
What are your thoughts? Do you and your dearest differ in more ways the one and do you think it’s good to be divergent in a relationship?


Post a Comment